Macalania Lagoon: The truth behind the music
by tabris17
Summary: Ah, one of the most touching scenes in the game. Now read how I mess it up by replacing Suteki da Ne with any other song that comes to mind. You have been warned. *Chapter Nine posted* Woohoo, I got my muse back!
1. Under the sea, um, I mean lagoon

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Macalania Lagoon: The truth behind the music

By tabris17

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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or setting used in the work of fiction shown below. They are the rightful property of Squaresoft. The songs used within this cry for are the property of the artists that perform them and their respected labels.

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Chapter One: Under the sea, um, I mean lagoon

Director: Okay guys. Here's the most touching moment of the game. Tidus, Yuna, you two are going to be floating in the lagoon talking about the journey ahead of you. Near the end, you're going to start crying because you realize the end is near. Got it?

Yuna: Yeah, sounds easy enough.

Director: Okay, good. Tidus, you're going to see this and swim over to her. When you arrive, I want you to look lovingly at her face and gently kiss her lips. Do you understand what to do?

Tidus: (scratches head) Huh?

Director: (proceeds to explain the scene again to Tidus, only more slowly) After you're done embracing, both of you will submerge yourselves in the water and swim around acting all happy and staring at each other with love in our eyes. During this time, some wonderful music will be playing. All right, let's get this started if you think you can do it.

Yuna walks off to the set while Tidus remains where he's standing.

Tidus: (scratching his head again) What?

Director: Damn it, Tidus, just follow Yuna's lead.

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Five minutes later at the set…

Director: Okay. ACTION!

The scene plays out as it was explained to the two actors. All goes well, as Tidus somehow remembers what to do. The pair begins to drift under the water.

Director: (to himself) All right, no mess ups. (out loud) Cue the music!

The sound technician starts to play the music over the speakers. A nice, poppy sound spews forth, filling the sound stage with its melody. As the music plays, a small red lobster swims out of its hiding place along with a host of fish and other creatures residing in the sea. As the newfound horde of underwater denizens begin to play various makeshift instruments, the crustacean begins to sing the lyrics to the song.

Sebastian: (singing) Under the sea…Under the sea…

Director: (clearly perturbed) What the heck? I know that we arranged to work with Disney of Kingdom Hearts, but who said that we had to work with them on this game. I'm calling the main office to sort this out. (walks off)

Meanwhile the other characters are gathered around watching the scene transpire.

Wakka: How can that lobster be bright red and still be alive? I though that they only got that color after being steamed, ya.

Lulu: Just stand there and nod your head. The movie was meant for small children and many probably have only seen lobsters that color. Plus you're dealing with the logic of Disney, the company that will change a story to fit their needs.

As Lulu and Wakka are talking, Kimarhi jumps into the water and grabs the lobster. He then shoved the still-singing crustacean into his mouth, thus ending the career of the beloved character.

Kimarhi: Tastes like chicken.

Rikku: Why you eat him?

Kimarhi: Wakka said lobster was done and Kimarhi hungry.

Auron: (to Rikku) Plus, it serves him right for screwing this scene up.

As the group are having their separate conversations, they fail to notice that Yuna and Tidus are still under the water making out. Oh well, what they don't know can't hurt them.

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A/N: Okay, right off I would like to say that this idea has been in my mind since late February and this is what happens when a friend and I have to work a twelve hour shift. When working that long, you have to find something that passes the time quickly. We created a list of about twenty songs that could have been played during that scene, too bad I lost it during my move. Anyhoo, if you, the readers, enjoyed this segment, I may find some time in my hectic schedule to write some more of this. Until then, farewell and may peace be with you. ^_^ (August 29, 2002)

A/N 2: The whole red lobster discussion is the truth as far as science is concerned. It has been found that when being steamed or boiled, a lobster's body releases a pigment that changes its usual purplish-brown color to the bright red we see. And to all Disney fans, I enjoyed **The Little Mermaid**_ and many of their other movies._


	2. No, not the pineapple

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Chapter Two: No, not the pineapple

A couple hours after the debacle when Disney decided to but into the production of Final Fantasy X, the director returns from his telephone conversation with the main office. He looks around the set taking in all that is going on. Tidus and Yuna are still floating in the water "rehearsing" the scene. Lulu and Wakka are discussing the finer points on the coloration of lobsters. He also notices that Rikku and Auron are talking about their favorite movies involving small animals.

Rikku: I love to watch The Lion King whenever I can. Simba is so cute!

Auron: I remember watching Bambi when it first came out in theaters. I always cry when Bambi's mom gets shot.

Rikku: You watched Bambi when it first came out, but isn't that movie like fifty years old.

Auron: Yeah, but remember I'm much older than you are.

The director leaves this conversation alone, as it serves no purpose whatsoever. He looks towards the back of the set to see that Kimarhi is bent over emptying his lunch onto the stage. Who knew that he was allergic to shellfish.

Director: Okay people, gather around. We're about to make a second attempt at this scene.

He looks over to the lagoon only to see that the couple is still trying to perfect their actions for the scene.

Director: (extremely upset) Wakka, throw your blitzball at those two.

Wakka: Okay, ya.

He throws his ball into the water, nailing Tidus in the head. This causes him to open his mouth, which in turn lets the water flow directly into his mouth. Tidus is soon choking and trying to surface. With much difficulty, Yuna manages to help her partner out of the water and onto dry land.

Tidus: Ooh, look at all the pretty birdies. (passes out)

Director: Great! Now he's just a little more stupid.

Auron: (to Lulu) I don't think that's physically possible.

Lulu: (answering back) That does have a ring of truth to it.

Director: Someone wake Tidus up, please.

Kimarhi: (taking the cue) Director say wake up. (pokes Tidus with his spear) Now!

Tidus: Uh, where am I?

Director: As I was saying before, we're about to make another attempt at filming this tender moment. (looks at Tidus) Does everyone remember what they're supposed to do?

Tidus: Yeah, I've been practicing.

Rikku: (to herself) I know, for the last two hours.

Director: Okay, then take you places. Action!

The scene takes place with nothing going wrong. Yuna starts to cry on cue. Tidus swims towards her and takes her into his arms, gently kissing her tender lips. Soon they are drifting beneath the water.

Director: Cue the music!

An unknown starts to play over the speakers, filling the set with its addicting melody. By some odd circumstance, the cameras are focused on the bottom of the lagoon and the lyrics begin.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Rikku: _SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!_

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Absorbent and yellow and porous is he?

Wakka: _SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS_, ya!

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If nautical nonsense is something you wish...

Kimarhi: _SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!_

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Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!

Auron: I refuse to take part in this pointless endeavor.

Rikku: Fine then. _SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!_

Lulu: (shaking her head) Do I really have to?

Wakka: Yes.

Lulu: _SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!_

Rikku: Come on, Auron.

Auron: No.

Kimarhi: Fine, Kimarhi do it then. _SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!_

Wakka: Auron, do it for crying out loud, ya.

Lulu: I did it, so you have to as well.

Auron: Very well. _SPONGEBOOOOOOOOOOOOOB SQUAREPAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS!_

Director: Buddha, give me patience.

The music stops as the camera zoom in on a pineapple and a yellow sponge dressed shorts, a dress shirt and tie walks out. He laughs for no apparent reason.

Director: That's it. (leaves the stage pulling out his hair)

Rikku: That was fun, now wasn't it?

Wakka: Ya, it was.

Lulu: Whose idea was it to sabotage it like that?

Auron: Mine.

Everybody else sweatdrops and stares at Sir Auron.

Auron: What, I thought it'd be funny.

Needless to say, the group doesn't realize that Tidus and Yuna are still in the water making out, again.

To be continued…

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A/N: I'm sorry it had to be done, it was unavoidable. And to add a bit of a kicker, Auron was the culprit. Who knew he loved that show, oro? Oh well, the beginning was kinda slow with all the talking, but I felt I needed to add it in. I apologize to any Tidus fans out there for all the bashing he's receiving in this fic, but it's all in good fun. Anyway, review and tell me what you think. All comments are looked at and catalogued in my tiny, insane mind. Until the next time, farewell. ^_^ (August 30, 2002)

A/N 2: The next chapter will revolve around an old song originally done by Frank Sinatra. But the whole idea will be based on the ending credits to an anime program that uses said song. Be prepared. *laughs maniacally*


	3. Love is in the air

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Chapter Three: Love is in the air

The cast of characters arrives at the sound stage ready to take another shot at filming the heartfelt lagoon scene. After the two sabotaged attempts the previous day, the crew wonders what will transpired this time.

Lulu: At least that whole mess with Disney has been worked out. Hopefully we won't have to deal with them again.

Rikku: Hey, why not? I thought it was kind of cool.

Auron: You would, since you have the mind of a seven-year-old.

Wakka: You shouldn't be talking much, Mr. Spongebob Squarepants.

Rikku: (sticking out her tongue) Yeah.

Kimarhi: Kimarhi wonder where Tidus and Yuna are.

The group looks around the set, searching for their comrades. Within moments, their gazes travel to the water only to find the two still floating in the lagoon.

Wakka: (scratching his head) How can they hold their breath that long, ya? It's been close to ten hours.

Auron: What I really want to know is how Yuna can stand to be that close to him for that long?

Everyone stands back to ponder this intriguing question when the director walks onto the set. Nobody seems to notice that his hair is visibly thinner than it was yesterday.

Director: For Yevon's sake, will somebody please separate them.

Lulu: Consider it done. (begins to cast a spell) Thundaga.

The electricity hits the water, immediately electrocuting the two lovers. Their skeletons are clearly visible during the shocking experience. As the bolts start to retract back to the heavens, Tidus and Yuna swim back to the shore to get out from the torture pool.

Tidus: (trying desperately to straighten his afro-like hair) Uh, are we going to film the scene again?

Director: Yes. (staring at the group) And hopefully nobody is planning to replace the song this time.

Everybody member of the party just nods their heads in agreement, trying hard to stifle laughter. Wakka appears to be whistling.

Auron: (whispering to Wakka) You got it set up, now don't you?

Wakka: (whispering as well) Yeah, it's all prepared, ya.

Auron: (whispering) Good. (an evil grin spreads across his face)

Director: All right, everyone take your places.

Tidus and Yuna warily enter the lagoon, remembering what happened only moments ago. Lulu, Rikku, and Kimarhi step off to the left of the pool, while Auron and Wakka walk over to the wardrobe racks.

Director: (noticing the guys) What are you two doing?

Wakka: Nothing, ya. (looking at a top hat and cane) Just seeing what we have over here.

Director: Fine, just don't make any noise then.

Auron: Oh, we wouldn't dare. (starts to laugh like a mad scientist)

Director: (worried) Uh, right. Action!

The scene plays out like it has the last two times. Tidus takes Yuna into his arms when she begins to cry, trying to console her. Since she doesn't stop, Tidus gently presses his lips to hers, partaking in the sumptuous taste once again. The two drift beneath the peaceful surface of the lagoon and beginning their intricate underwater dance.

Director: Cue the music!

On cue, a soft, slow, and sensual melody pours from the speakers, filling the set with its mood altering effects. Kimarhi commandeers a camera and pans it to point at the two men situated before the wardrobe. Both have change their clothes, replacing them with leisure suits commonly wore by lounge lizards. Auron and Wakka begin to sing the lyrics to the song, projecting them to the two young ladies on the set.

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Fly me to moon, let me play among the stars

Let me see what Spring is like on Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand

In other words, baby kiss me

Fill my heart with song, and let me sing forevermore

You are I long for, all I worship and adore

In other words, please be true

In other words, I love you

The music goes into a soothing sax and trumpet duet at this point, causing the two singers to break into an impromptu dance. Wakka starts to swing his cane at his side, occasionally tapping it on the ground, while Auron strolls over to where Rikku is standing. Soon the lyrics pick up again, and the two men sing once more.

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Fill my heart with song, let me sing forevermore

You are I long for, all I worship and adore

In other words, please be true

In other words, 

In other words

I love…

You

On the last word, Lulu and Rikku can not control themselves and throw themselves at their paramours.

Rikku: Oh Aruon, I didn't know how much you cared. (lavishes the man with kisses)

Lulu: Chappu doesn't even compare to you, Wakka. (starts making out with him)

Director: No, they did it again. They ruined the scene. AHHHHHHH!!!

The director runs from the set screaming his lungs out. As he passed through the door, a blue-haired individual enters and smiles.

Seymour: So this is where all the fun is being held, I'll have to stay for a while.

Kimarhi sweatdrops at this latest arrival, wondering what will happen during the next session, but he continues to film the three couples embracing.

Kimarhi: Kimarhi cry on inside, since Kimarhi no have special someone. 

A single teardrop forms at the corner of his eye, but it is soon wiped away by his clawed hand.

To be continued…

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A/N: This one was inspired by the closing credits of Neon Genesis Evangelion. For all of the readers who do not know, said credits involve the character Rei Ayanami floating in a pool as the song is played. I thought that it fit somewhat nicely, so I had Auron and Wakka serenade the girls with it. Such a touching moment, I almost want to cry. The original version was done by Frank Sinatra, so there's my throwback to the thrities and forties.

Now Seymour's joined the party, what devious song will he pick to torment the director? Not to give it away, but think disco.

And to all those who want a Beatles song placed in this fic, do not worry. I am currently going through my music collection in search of the perfect track. Time to check those anthology CDs. Until the next time, farewell and happy laughing. ^_^ (September 1, 2002)


	4. It takes a village, or at least its peop...

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Chapter Four: It takes a village, or least its people

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The last time we visited the set of Final Fantasy X, Wakka and Auron had ruined the filming of the lagoon scene, again. The director had run off the set, screaming and pulling out what hair he had left. As he exited the sound stage, he passed the blue-haired Guado, Seymour. Does this bode ill for our courageous heroes or does he wish to drive the director even closer to insanity? Let's find out, shall we?

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The now bald director enters the set with a crazed look in his eyes. He looks around the stage, seeing all the men and women whom are causing him severe mental anguish. Wakka and Lulu are making out near the back of the set, far away from the demented man. Auron and Rikku are playing "Seven minutes in Heaven" between the wardrobe rack on the left side of the set, trying desperately not to draw any attention to their activiites. Kimarhi is silently standing in the middle of the stage, making an effort to hold back the flood of tears that want to be unleashed. And Tidus and Yuna are where they always are, in the lagoon "rehearsing" the scene.

Director: Well, maybe we'll be able to get this thing down, finally.

He looks towards the door to the outside and notices Seymour standing by it, busily talking on his cel phone.

Director: Seymour, what are you doing here? You're not in this scene.

Seymour: Well, neither are they. (points at the two other couples) Plus, I'm not doing anything until Mount Gagazet, so I thought I watch this for a few minutes.

Director: Fine, fine. Just don't do anything stupid like the rest of the guys.

Seymour: You expect a Maester of Yevon to stoop to such levels of depravity, how ridiculous?

Director: Levels of depravity? You're trying to kill the heroes in the game, you really can't stoop much lower.

Seymour: True. (turns off his phone) Oh, yeah I invited a few friends over to view this as well, I hope you don't mind.

Director: Uh, no, they can watch.

The director is now clearly worried at this sudden news, but he boldly goes forward, hoping for the best. Seymour glides across to Kimarhi to discuss matters with the Ronso.

Seymour: (whispering) Kimarhi, would you like to join my friends and me in a little song number?

Kimarhi: Kimarhi want know why you ask.

Seymour: Well, the songs are for a group of five and you would nicely into the role of the indian chief.

Kimarhi: Sure, Kimarhi play along.

As soon as the Ronso agrees, Seymour throws off his priestly robes to reveal a construction worker's outfit. He dons a hard hat that for some reason or another is quickly pierced by his blade-like hair. Three other men enter the stage at the same time. Barthello comes in wearing a leather jacket over his bare chest, while Isaaru enters dressed as a police officer. The lat man to enter is Luzzu, who exchanged his crusader garb for that of a sailor. All three walk over to Seymour and nod their heads.

Barthello: We're ready, but why did you ask us to wear our clubbing clothes?

Luzzu: Yeah, you know I don't like to wear these out in the open.

Seymour: We're going to sing a few songs when the music starts playing, and the clothes will help to get us in the mood. Just think back to all those days we sang Kareoke in college.

Isaaru: But why should we do this? The director is already half crazy, so we really need to push him over the edge?

Seymour: Yes. He tried to kill you off at Mi'ihen, Luzzu, he makes you act like a moron, Barthello, and look at you Issaru. Will you ever get past the stigma of playing the "gay" summoner?

Issaru: Can I help it if I'm always happy?

Seymour: I didn't mean that gay.

Isaaru: Oh, hey. Why that little punk, let's get him.

The director turns his head at this outburst and sees all four gentlemen in their costumes. He gets a sneaking suspicion that something is afoot.

Director: (to himself) Ah, crap. They wouldn't dare.

With this thought in mind, the director asks for everybody to get in their places so the scene can begin.

Director: (worried) Action!

The scene plays out like it has the last three times, with the only difference being Tidus and Yuna appear to be a bit wrinkled due to the overexposure to the water. They literally look like two prunes acting out the scene. As the two embrace and drift beneath the water, the director cues for the music.

Seymour: Here we go.

The sound filtered through the speakers is not orchestral based, but a poppy number with many handclaps placed at the beginning. The music soon fills the entire set with its unremarkably catchy beat. Seymour, Luzz, Barthello, Isaaru, and Kimarhi are soon jumping into the view of the cameras, dancing and singing.

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Where can you find pleasure

Search the world for treasure

Learn science technology

Where can you begin to make

Your dreams all come true

On the land, on the sea

Where can you to learn to fly planes

Skin dive

Study oceanography

Sign up for the big band

Officer in the grandstand

When you're dreaming of honesty

In the Navy

You can sail the seven seas

In the Navy

You can put your mind at ease

In the Navy

Come on people and make a stand

In the Navy

Can't you see we need a hand

In the Navy

In the Navy

Come on, protect the mother land

In the Navy

Come on and join you fellow man

In the Navy

Come on people, make a stand

In the Navy

In the Navy

The group of five begin to clap their hands in unison as the song draws to its midpoint.

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They want you

They want you

They want you as a new recruit

If you like adventure

Don't you wait to enter

The recruiting office fast

Don't you hesitate

There is no need to wait

They'll sign you up seaman fast

Maybe you are too young

To join up today

But don't you worry about a thing

For I'm sure there will be

Always the good navy

Protecting the land at sea

In the Navy

You can sail the seven seas

In the Navy

You can put your mind at ease

In the Navy

Come on people and make a stand

In the Navy

Can't you see we need a hand

In the Navy

In the Navy

Come on, protect the mother land

In the Navy

Come on and join you fellow man

In the Navy

Come on people, make a stand

In the Navy

In the Navy

In the Navy

In the Navy

More handclaps are heard as the group draws ever closer to the end.

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They want you

They want you

They want you as a new recruit

Luzzu: Who me?

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They want you

They want you

They want you as a new recruit

Luzzu: But, but, but I'm afraid of water.

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They…want…you

They…want…you

Luzzu: Hey man, look I get seasick just looking at it on the sphere.

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They…want…you

They…want…you

Luzzu: Oh my goodness.

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They…want…you

They…want…you

Luzzu: What am I going to do on a submarine?

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They…want…you

They…want…you

Kimarhi: In the Navy

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In the Navy

You can sail the seven seas

In the Navy

You can put your mind at ease

In the Navy

Come on people and make a stand

In the Navy

Can't you see we need a hand

In the Navy

In the Navy

Come on, protect the mother land

In the Navy

Come on and join you fellow man

In the Navy

Come on people, make a stand

In the Navy

The music slowly fades away and the group takes a bow before the cameras. They exit to the left and smirk at the director who now has a nervous twitch. He says absolutely nothing and gets out of his seat and calmly walks outside.

Seymour: That was fun.

To be continued…

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A/N: Now that the disco flashback has been done, and with great pain I might add. I had to listen to that song repeatedly to get the lyrics right. And before anyone says something about looking them up, I would like to say I refuse to dirty my computer with that horrible song, lyrics or melody. Anyhoo, the original idea was a three song melody consisting of YMCA, Macho Man, and In the Navy, but I felt that would be way to long. Maybe I get to those other two later. *laughs maniacally* The next chapter's song is still up in the air, so no promises, but I do have the perfect Beatles song in mind. It was so obvious, I didn't think about it. Gotta love Magical Mystery Tour (hint, hint). Until next time, farewell and may you never have to hear this song in you life. ^_^ (September 5, 2002)


	5. Help! I need somebody! Help!

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Chapter Five: Help! I need somebody! Help!

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When last we left, the director had calmly left the studio. Well calmer than usual anyway. Seymour and his friends had just ruined the scene with their rendition of "In the Navy," while everyone else was having a love-in. Could this be a hint as to what will transpire in this chapter? Yeah, ever heard of John and Yoko?

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Tidus and Yuna are finally getting out of the lagoon's water pool, looking all the more prune-like than the last time. They walk over to Seymour and tap him on the shoulder.

Tidus: Where the director go, aren't we going to try to get this scene filmed today?

Syemour: (staring at Tidus' wrinkly face) Uh, yeah, sure. Tell me, just how long have you been in the water?

Tidus: (counting on his fingers) I don't know, a couple of days now I guess.

Seymour: Have you ever left it at anytime?

Yuna: Only to get stage directions and to listen to the director rambling, why do you ask?

Seymour: (to Kimarhi) Kimarhi, get somebody to empty that pool and to disinfect it, please.

Kimarhi: (looks disgusted) Kimarhi do that. (runs off to get the janitors and sanitation crews)

Seymour: Okay, while they're busy doing that, why don't you two go take a shower or something.

Tidus and Yuna: Okay, sure. (both walk off)

Seymour: (to their retreating forms) And don't forget to wash everywhere. (shudders)

. : * : .

An hour passes as the tank is emptied and doused with gallons upon gallons of high strength disinfectant. While this is going on, Seymour turns on the television to watch "General Hospital." As Roy is about ready to pull the trigger to the gun, an urgent newsbreak interrupts the ending.

Seymour: Firk ding blast it, who does he shoot?

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Newscaster: An urgent bulletin just in. At the set where the game Final Fantasy X is being produced, it appears to be that a man is about ready to jump off the top of a building. Let's go to our reporter on the scene. Gene, how did this happen?

Gene: The way that it's been stated is the man is the director for Final Fantasy X, and he's had trouble filming one of the scenes. Apparently, some of his actors have been causing the scene to take longer than scheduled by changing the songs being played in the background.

Newscaster: What do you mean, Gene? What songs have been played?

Gene: Well, Paula, everything from Disney's "Under the Sea," which was not he cast's fault, to the Village People, with a shot of Spongebob Squarepants. It seems that this has all been to much for the man, and he wants out. Oh, no.

Paula: What, what happened?

Gene: He jumped.

Seymour: Crap in a hat!

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Gene: But it appears that he landed in a pool of water that was going to dumped soon.

Seymour: Double crap in a hat!

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Paula: Well at least he's safe and out of harm. We'll now return you to "General Hosptial."

Seymour: All right, here we go.

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Television: …will all appear in the next episode. Stay tuned for it tomorrow.

Seymour: Triple crap in a hat!

. : * : .

Tidus and Yuna soon arrive on the set with towels draped over their heads.

Seymour: Feeling better?

Tidus: Yeah, that hot water did the trick. Warmed me right up.

Yuna: Yep, but why were all those ambulances and police cars outside. Did something happen?

Seymour: Um, yeah, someone tried to jump off the building, but he's down now.

Tidus: Where's the director, then? Did he go with them?

Seymour: Yeah, you could say that. And until he gets back, I'm the man, um, Guado in charge. So get in your places.

Tidus and Yuna proceed to immerse themselves in the pool wondering why they even bothered to dry themselves off.

Seymour: Okay, ready. Action!

The pair begins to go through the actions that they've done so many times before. Soon they are floating beneath the tranquil surface of the lagoon.

Seymour: Kimarhi, did you place the item in the water.

Kimarhi: Kimarhi did as Seymour say, but Kimarhi want to know why.

Seymour: You'll see. 

The camera focuses on the pair in the water, following them through every twist and turn that they do. But little do they know that there is a small hint of yellow shadowing them as well.

Seymour: Cue the music!

The music proceeds to pour from the speakers, flooding the set with it catchy melody and lyrics.

  
_In the town where I was born  
Lived a man who sailed to sea  
And he told us of his life  
In the land of submarines  
  
So we sailed up to the sun  
Till we found the sea of green  
And we lived beneath the waves  
In our yellow submarine  
  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
  
And our friends are all on board  
Many more of them live next door  
And the band begins to play  
  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
  
As we live a life of ease  
Everyone of us has all we need  
Sky of blue and sea of green  
In our yellow submarine.  
  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine  
We all live in our yellow submarine,   
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine_

The music fades away as the lyrics are completed, but Seymour seems to be a bit too anxious .

Seymour: Fire the torpedoes! (hits a small button on his chair)

The small yellow submarine fires two torpedoes at the couple. Yuna notices them coming and pulls Tidus in front of her to block them. Both of missiles hit the young man and explode, sending the blond-haired man out of the pool.

Seymour: That's for killing me and ruining my wedding.

Kimarhi: Was that necessary?

Seymour: No, not really, but it certainly was fun. Okay, that's it for today. Everybody can go home. (looks around at all the couples) Or you can stay here. Whatever floats you boat. Let's go guys, let's go plan what we'll do tomorrow.

Luzzu, Isaaru, Seymour, Kimarhi, and Barthello walk towards the exit so they can go plan the devastation for the next day. As Seymour is about to leave, he turns around.

Seymour: And can somebody get a medic for Tidus. Thanks, see ya. (turns off the light and closes the door)

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__

A/N: Stupid me, I made a mistake in the last notes. "Yellow Submarine" didn't appear on Magical Mystery Tour, that was "I Am the Walrus." YS was on the Yellow Submarine album. *slaps self in head* And yes I do watch General Hospital, and I noticed an odd similarity between Seymour and Brenda. No matter how many times they die, they just keep coming back. Anyhoo, I hope that you enjoyed this and I apologize for the length of time between postings. I needed to catch up on my sleep, sleep good. So until the next time, farewell and hopefully everyone can get enough sleep. ^_^ (September 17, 2002)


	6. God save the Queen

****

Chapter Six: God save the Queen

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When last we left the lagoon set, the stand-in director Seymour had just left with his friends to discuss what their plans would be to for the next day. Needless to say, the guys went to the local bar and got completely hammered. But while they were there throwing back shots of tequila, they met the group that will make the presence felt this day. So let's be off…

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The morning light floods the stage as Seymour and his friends stagger through the door. Seymour quickly hobbles over to the director's chair and leans heavily against its back. Meanwhile Isaaru, Luzzu, and Barthello head towards to the refreshment table in search of some strong coffee to clear their heads. And the blue Ronso isn't so blue at this moment, his face seems to be a rather pale shade of green and he rushes off to the bathroom.

Seymour: (groggily) Where are Yuna and Tidus?

Rikku: (shouting from where she is with Auron) They're trying to cover up the burn marks your torpedoes gave Tidus with makeup.

Syemour: (grabbing his head) Not so loud, please.

Rikku: Sorry, would you like me to get them?

Seymour: Yes, please do so we can get this over with quickly.

Rikku runs off towards the makeup department, but she slips in the watery trail that's coming from the bathroom. She hits the ground hard and slides into the wall, knocking herself unconcious.

Seymour: Great, just great. Auron, could you please go get the tow love birds please. And while you're at it, take Rikku to the medical ward so she can be examined. I'll be in the sound booth so I don't have to listen to any of this noise.

Auron: (all stoic like) Very well, as you wish. (walks off)

Seymour begins his jaunt to the booth, but stops before the food laden table.

Seymour: Let the guys in and tell them to jump in the pool and hide. They should be able to remember when to strike.

The three friends nod their heads in compliance and head off, while Seymour continues on his way.

Five minutes later…

Seymour: (over the speakers) Tidus. Yuna. You know what to do, so just do it. We're only going to do one take and then call it a day. Some of us need our beauty sleep, since we didn't get any last night. So I want this to be quick, got it?

Tidus and Yuna: (nodding their heads) Yes, sir.

Seymour: Then action. (shuts off the microphone) Let the fun begin anew. (laughs maniacally)

The scene plays out like it always has. Yuna begins to cry after Tidus tells her about his Zanarkland. Tidus, being the sensitive type of guy that he is, swims in front of her and gently embraces her to ease her grief. They soon kiss and drift beneath the surface of the water.

Seymour: Time to cue the music. (hits a button) Hehehehehehe! Ow, my head. (grabs his head)

A rock melody begins to play over the speakers on the stage, flooding the set with its catchy tone. As the lyrics begin to usher forth from the speakers, A group of six men and women come out form their hiding places with blitzballs in hand. It's the Luca Goers.

__

I've paid my dues  
Time after time  
I've done my sentence  
But committed no crime  
And bad mistakes  
I've made a few  
I've had my share of sand  
Kicked in my face  
But I've come through  
  
And we mean to go on and on and on and on  
  
We are the champions - my friends  
And we'll keep on fighting  
Till the end  
We are the champions  
We are the champions  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions of the World  
  
I've taken my bows  
And my curtain calls  
You brought me fame and fortune  
And everything that goes with it  
I thank you all  
But it's been no bed of roses  
No pleasure cruise  
I consider it a challenge before  
The whole human race  
And I ain't gonna lose  
  
And we mean to go on and on and on and on  
  
We are the champions - my friends  
And we'll keep on fighting  
Till the end  
We are the champions  
We are the champions  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions of the World  
  
We are the champions - my friends  
And we'll keep on fighting  
Till the end  
We are the champions  
We are the champions  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions

As the song ends, all the members of the Goers take aim and blast Tidus with various Blitz techniques, such as Volley Shot, Sphere Shot, and Venom Shot. As all six of the balls hit Tidus, he flies out of the pool and lands on the deck.

Seymour: I couldn't have planned it better.

As the maester continues to talk to himself in the booth, Yuna rushes out of the lagoon to help Tidus stand up.

Yuna: Come on, Tidus, get up.

Tidus: Can't I sleep for five more minutes, mommy? I promise I won't be late for school.

Yuna: Tidus, just stand up. We need to get you to the doctor.

Tidus: (getting up) Oh, look at all the pretty stars. (passes out)

Yuna: Great. (looks at the sound booth) Why did you do it this time?

Seymour: (flips a switch) What was that, I couldn't hear you?

Yuna: (yelling) I said, why did you do it this time?

Seymour: (grabbing head again) Not so loud.

Yuna: Fine, but answer the question.

Seymour: Okay, sure. I read ahead in the script and found out that you guys get to kill me two more times. So I figured I get a little payback.

Yuna: Are you happy now that your little fun is over now?

Seymour: Over? Who said it was over? I still have the rest of you guys to humiliate, except for Kimarhi since he's helping me. So be prepared. (laughs like a mad scientist) Ow, my head. (suddenly falls asleep)

Yuna: Crap in a hat! (drags Tidus to the hospital)

To be continued…

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__

A/N: Woohoo, another chapter done. Now that I have an idea as to where this story is going, it should be somewhat easier to write. So watch out for the rest of Seymour's revenge. I think I'll do Lulu's next, since I got the perfect song for her (special thanks to Chaos for pointing it out to me). And I hope that all who read this will learn a powerful message. **Never drink voluminous amounts of alcohol and expect to be able to perform your job the next day.** It doesn't work all that well. So until the next time, farewell. ^_^ (September 30, 2002)


	7. I'm amazed it doesn't just pop out

****

Chapter Seven: I'm amazed it doesn't just pop out

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When last we left the cast of Final Fantasy X, Seymour had just declared his plan to avenge himself against the intrepid party of heroes by humiliating them. As anyone who has seen any adventure movie, Seymour did what any villian does and revealed his master plan. Will this error come back to haunt him later on? Who knows, but we do know that he later fell asleep with his hangover. So let's get to the fun, shall we?

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The morning sun is starting to make its ascent in the sky, readying to take its day-long journey across the heavens once again. But alas the cast and crew doesn't notice this as they are still living in the studio that's been their home the last few days.

Wakka and Lulu are cuddling amongst the wardrobe, basking in the warmth that they provide to each other. Yuna is patiently looking over Tidus with the help of Shiva, whom has provided some ice to soothe his sore muscles. The Luca Goers, whom are trying to get a little practice in before they are asked to leave, currently occupy the lagoon tank. Rikku is still unconscious in the medical facility from her accident the previous day, while Auron is keeping his one good eye in constant vigil over her.

And the practical jokers who are the cause of all this pain and suffering, where are they? Isaaru, Luzzu, and Barthello are leaning against the wall waiting for something to do like any good extra does in a production. Seymour is still passed out in the sound booth, sleeping off his migraine from his excessive drinking from two days ago. And Kimarhi, let's just say that he found out that the plushy toilet seats in the bathroom made a decent pillow and slept the night away in comfort.

Slowly, a crack forms in the entryway, causing streams of the bright morning light to illuminate the dark set. The culprit behind this action is the caterer coming to bring more food and drink for the beleaguered cast.

Caterer: Hello, is anyone here. (opens the door even more) Guess not.

Wakka: (with light shining in his eyes) Ah, the sun, my natural enemy. (hisses like a vampire caught in the morning sun) Ahhh, it burns. Take it away.

Lulu: (opening her eyes) Oh, the light, it's so bright. I'm coming, Chappu, please wait for me.

Wakka: (actual aware of the situation now) Uh, Chappu, what do ya mean?

Lulu: Uh, nothing, just forget it.

Wakka: Forget what?

Lulu: Exactly.

Caterer: (scratching his head) Uh, right. (wheels in his cart of food) I'm just here to stock up your refreshments.

Barthello: (hearing the word "refreshments") Food, what'cha bring, what'cha bring?

Caterer: Just some doughnuts, Chips Ahoy, Oreos, Gummy Worms, and other junk food. Plus there's some Moutain Dew and Dr. Pepper to wash it all down.

Barthello: Ah, all part of a balanced breakfast.

Caterer: (placing the food on the table) Sure, whatever you say.

Barthello rushes over to the table and proceeds to pop open a can of Pringles. As the tell tale sound echoes through the set, the few people whom are still sleeping open their eyes and hurry over to grab some much needed nourishment. Soon, the entire cast is stuffing their faces, paying no attention to what they're putting in their mouths.

Caterers: Ouch, that's my hand you have there. Can I have it back please?

Tidus: (trying to talk around the hand) Oh, sorry, here you go. I knew it tasted funny.

Caterer: (looks at the ravished men and women) Okay, I'll be going now. (to himself) Memo to self: Switch assignments with Pietro. (quickly leaves the stage)

The crew continues to ravage the food table with plenty of arguments erupting over whom gets what. The Goers threaten to unleash crippling Blitz techniques on anyone who touches the Oreos while Lulu prepares to cast Ultima on any foolish enough to touch the chocolate covered doughnuts. This goes on until the bathroom door opens and a mighty odor exits form its confines.

Yuna: (sniffing the air) What's that smell?

Isaaru: (crinkling his nose) I think I'm going to retch.

Seymour: (looking at the restroom) Kimarhi, what're you doing? Go take a shower, you look like crap. And you smell like it as well.

Kimarhi: Kimarhi's face fall in toilet while sleeping. At least Kimarhi remember to flush before doze off.

Seymour: Good for you, now just go do as you're told.

Kimarhi: Okey-dokey. (walks off)

Seymour: Is everyone full? (looks down at the empty table) Because if you're not, too bad for you.

Everybody rubs their stomachs and cleans their teeth with the provided toothpicks. Yuna thens opens her mouth wide and lets out a long belch. Tidus then breaks out into the uncontrollable laughter he did in Luca after the tournament.

Wakka: Nice one, Yuna.

Tidus: (still laughing)

Lulu: Shut up, Tidus. (casts flare on him)

Tidus: (still laughing, but now also burning)

Lulu: I give up.

Luzzu: (taking out a bag of marshmallows) Anyone for S'mores? (starts to roast the fluffy, white objects over Tidus)

Seymour: As much as I would, we have a scene to shoot. So everyone get in his or her place.

Everyone goes where they're supposed to, except for Tidus, who is still laughing.

Seymour: Bickson, could your team please knock him into the pool. The laughter is starting to remind me of Spongebob Squarepants.

Bickson: Sure. (to the Goers) Ready. Aim. Fire. (six blitzballs hit Tidus simultaneously, throwing him into the water)

Seymour: Now that's set, let's get this over with. Action.

The scene plays out like every other time. Yuna begins to cried after her conversation with Tidus about Zanarkand. Tidus then swims towards his tragic lover and takes her into his arms. Their lips draw closer and closer until they meet. As they are kissing, the two drift beneath the surface and begin to float ethereally in the cool water.

Seymour: Simply beautiful. (sheds a tear) Okay, cue the music. (to himself) Here's a song for you, you big-boobed witch.

The speakers come to life with song, but it isn't the lovely melody of "Suteki da Ne." No, it is the infectious beat of a song from the late-60s, early-70s.

Seymour: This one for you, Lulu. Hope you enjoy it. Wakka told me about it.

__

She's a brick----house

Mighty might just lettin' it all hang out

She's a brick----house

The lady's stacked and that's a fact,

ain't holding nothing back.

She's a brick----house

She's the one, the only one,

who's built like a amazon

We're together everybody knows,

and here's how the story goes.

She knows she got everything

a woman needs to get a man, yeah.

How can she use, the things she use

36-24-36, what a winning hand!

She's a brick----house

Mighty might just lettin' it all hang out

She's a brick----house

The lady's stacked and that's a fact,

ain't holding nothing back.

She's a brick----house

She's the one, the only one,

who's built like a amazon

We're together everybody knows,

and here's how the story goes.

The clothes she wears, the sexy ways,

make an old man wish for younger days

She knows she's built and knows how to please

Sure enough to knock a man to his knees

She's a brick----house

Mighty might just lettin' it all hang out

She's a brick----house

The lady's stacked and that's a fact,

ain't holding nothing back.

She's a brick----house

She's the one, the only one,

who's built like a amazon

We're together everybody knows,

and here's how the story goes.

Shake it down, shake it down now

Shake it down, shake it down now

Lulu: Wakka, you have some explaining to do. (prepares to cast a spell)

Wakka: I didn't say anything, ya. Don't you believe me?

Lulu: (thinks for a moment) Nope. (casts Demi on him)

Wakka: (getting crushed by the force of gravity) Eep! (gets sqished)

Seymour: (whispering to his cohorts) Remind me never to make her mad, okay.

All three nod their heads in agreement as they watch Wakka get squashed over and over again.

To be continued…

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__

A/N: Woohoo, another one's in the bag. As always, tell me what you think. Now with the actual notes. 

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so to all you little kiddies out there, don't eat any of the stuff mentioned in this chapter. Well, except for maybe the doughnuts. *starts to drool with tongue sticking out* Ahhh, doughnuts. And to any who are curious, I had a half a box of Cookie Crisp for breakfast. I can't help it, it's so addicting.

The song was brought to my attention by Chaos. I had heard the song many times during my junior year in high school, as my history teacher like to play it while we were taking tests, but I would not have thought of it without her help. So thank you.

The next chapter is up in the air on who will be up for Seymour's ridicule. I do have some songs picked out, but I still to get some possible leads for Auron and Tidus. So this goes out to the reviewers, any suggestions will be appreciated. Just send them to me via email. I don't want this story to be taken down because the reviews turned into a message board, and I'm pretty sure you don't either. Send them to _applemonkeyking@yahoo.com__. _

And to Tidus' Lil' Angel ( I think that's who it is), I'm sorry, I don't know any Britney Spears songs. So if you have one that fits, tell me the title and I'll look it up.

Uh, that should do it for now. So until the next time I post, farewell. ^_^ (October 6, 2002)


	8. Oops, I did it again!

****

Chapter Eight: Oops, I did it again!

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When last we left the cast of Final Fantasy X, Lulu was wreaking havoc upon poor Wakka, who supposedly suggested the song "She's a Brick House" to Seymour. Little did she know that this all a plot that the Maester set in motion to seek revenge on the intrepid party. Who will be next to be humiliated by his evil choice of songs?

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It is now two hours after the last take of the lagoon scene had ended abruptly. Poor Wakka is little more than a grease stain on the set as Lulu relentlessly cast Demi on him the entire time. The only reason she ceased his torture was the arrival of the caterer.

Lulu: It's lunch already, where'd all the time go?

Everyone on the set stares at her with their mouths agape.

Lulu: What are you looking at?

Tidus: (pointing what would be Wakka) Oh my god, you killed Wakka!

Yuna: You bastard.

Wakka: I'm not dead yet.

The smudge on the floor begins to sprout tiny arms and legs. It then gets to its feet and walks over to the two lovers. (If you need an image to work with, picture Wil E. Coyote after he's fallen off the cliff chasing the roadrunner) He then takes his small fist and punches Tidus in the knee.

Tidus: Ow, that hurt you little munchkin. (dropkicks Wakka across the stage)

Wakka: (sailing through the air) Looks like Team Wakka is blasting off again. (hits the wall with a loud thud)

Caterer: (watching all this take place) Crap, now I know why he wanted to trade assignments. These people are nuts. (proceeds to lay the food out on the table)

Luzzu: (recognizing the man serving the food) Eh, Pietro, what are you doing here?

Pietro: Luzzu, um, that's simple to answer. Since the author of this fic is too lazy to write my story, I needed to make a little extra money to support my family. And since the company is willing to pay triple my wage for tending to your party, I jumped at the chance. Now I know why everyone whose had this route left, you guys are hazardous.

Luzzu: That we are. We already cause the mental breakdown of the director and put one person in the hospital. Uh, make that two as soon as we get Wakka off the wall.

Pietro: (looking incredibly scared) I really should be going, so bye. I left enough food there for lunch and dinner, so I'll see you tomorrow. (runs out of the studio)

Barthello: (busy scraping Wakka off the wall) What he'd leave?

Tidus: (already eating) There's enough roast beef and turkey here to feed an army or one hungry Ronso. Thank god, Kimarhi isn't here or we'd be starving.

Isaaru: (helping Barthello) Anything else?

Yuna: Yeah, looks like he also brought in more doughnuts.

Lulu: Dibs on the chocolate frosting-covered ones! (licks her lips)

Seymour: And to drink?

Tidus: Coffee and a couple of cases of soda.

Seymour: All right everyone, let's have a quick bite to eat and try to get another take rolling. You almost done over there?

Barthello: Yep, all set. But whose going to take him to the hospital?

Seymour: Uh… (scratches his head) The next person who walks through the door.

As if on cue, Auron enters the stage taking a sip from his ever present jug.

Seymour: Glad to see you Auron. We need you to take Wakka to the doctor.

Auron: Why me?

Seymour: You're the only one who knows where it is?

Auron: I am not.

Seymour: Fine then, I give you some incentive then. Go visit Rikku again, I know you miss her.

Auron: (thinking it over) Very well. (walks over to where Barthello is messing with Wakka)

Barthello: Here you go Sir Auron. I made a handle out of the freak's hair so he's easier to carry. (hands over said freak)

Auron: Thank you. (leaves the set)

Seymour: All right, let's eat.

Like earlier that morning, the cast fights over the food. Anyone that dares to touch the plate of doughnuts is greeted by a bolt of lightning compliments of Lulu. Tidus and Yuna are feeding each other turkey while the Luca Goers are taking bets on who can drink the most Mountain Dew before the puke. Seymour, who stills has a slight headache from his hangover places his head under the coffee dispenser and opens the spout. After everyone is satisfied with the meal, only half a roast beef is left sitting on the table.

Seymour: Okay, it's time to get this show rolling again. Everybody take their places.

Tidus and Yuna enter the lagoon and wade to the middle. The prepare to act out the touching scene when Tidus suddenly grabs his side.

Tidus: I'm cramping up here.

Seymour: (smiling wickedly) What are you a pansy? It'll go away in a little bit, so just get started. And action!

Tidus floats around the lagoon telling Yuna all about the Zanarkand that he grew up in and wishes he could take her there. Yuna agrees to this proposal, but begins to cry. Tidus noticing this, swims over to his love and enfolds her in his arms. Yuna looks up into his face and is shocked to see him bend down to kiss her. With this tender embrace, the two drift beneath the water of the pool and float serenely through it.

Seymour: Cue the music. (to himself) This one's for you, Yuna.

A female voice can be heard over the speakers talking to all that are listening.

__

I know I may be young

But, I've got feelings too

And I need to do

What I feel like doin'

So let me go

And just listen

All you people

Look at me like

I'm a little girl

Well did you ever think

It be OK for me to

Step into this world?

Always saying

"Little girl don't step

Into the glow"

Well I'm just trying

To find out why

'Cause dancing's

What I love

(Yeah)

Suddenly the music begins and the speaker begins to sing the lyrics.

__

Get it, get it (x6)

(Do you like it?)

(This feels good)

(Panting)

I know I may come off

May come off shy

But I feel like talking

Feel like dancing

When I see this guy

What's practical

What's logical

What the hell

Who cares

All I know is that

I'm so happy when

You're dancing there

I'm a slave for Yu Yevon

I cannot hold it

I cannot control it

I'm a slave for you

I won't deny it

I'm not trying to hide it

Baby

(I just want to

Dance next to you)

Don't you wanna

Dance up on me

To another

Time and place

Baby

(Are you ready?)

Don't you wanna

Dance up on me

From behind?

(Like that)

(You like it)

(Now watch me)

Get it, get it (x6)

(Do you like it?)

(This feels good)

(Panting)

I really wanna dance

Tonight with you

(I just can't help myself)

I really wanna do

What you wanna do

(I just feel

I let myself go)

I really wanna dance

Tonight with you

(Wanna see you)

I really wanna do

What you wanna do

(Uh, uh, uh)

Baby

(I just want to

Dance next to you)

Don't you wanna

Dance up on me

To another

Time and place

Baby

(Are you ready?)

Don't you wanna

Dance up on me

From behind?

I'm a slave for Yu Yevon

I cannot hold it

I cannot control it

I'm a slave for you

I won't deny it

I'm not trying to hide it

(Take that)

It just feels right

It's just feels good)

Get it, get it (x6)

I'm a slave for Yu Yevon

I cannot hold it

I cannot control it

I'm a slave for you

I won't deny it

I'm not trying to hide it

(He we go again)

(Laughs)

(He go now)

(Here we go)

(Like that)

The music ends almost as suddenly as it begins. Yet again the scene is ruined thanks to the meddling of Seymour. But it is doubly worse when Tidus is found floating on his stomach on the top of the pool. Yuna rushes over to turn him over.

Yuna: What was that? I'm not a slave for Yu Yevon anymore.

Seymour: Yeah, so, you still danced for him, so it fit. But if you didn't like this song, there's always the next one. (laughs maniacally)

Yuna: All great! (looks down at Tidus, whose turning a shade of blue) Crap, he looks like Kimarhi without the hair. (starts to perform CPR) C'mon, live.

Tidus: (spitting out water) Uh, can we do that last part over again?

Yuna: (happy to see him alive) Sure.

They start to make out just like in the older days that week.

Seymour: Crap, what does it take to kill him?

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A/N: This song was suggested to me by Tidus' Lil Angel, and I would like to thank her greatly for it. As to the appearance of Pietro, yeah it was intentional. I have this weird idea that I want to link all my stories together in some way, and this was one of the obvious methods to accomplish that feat. If you would like to read his story, just search for "The Story of a Crusader," "The Story of a Wanderer," and "The Story of a Guarantor." Yes, this is a blatant plug. Third, from personal experience, I have found that about fifteen to eighteen cans of Mountain Dew is enough to make almost anyone throw up. That or run around a room completely out of his or her mind. Sugar rushes are so cool, until they end that is. Anyhoo, tell me what you think. Hopefully the next chapter will be up quicker that this one. (October 21, 2002)


	9. The Retun of Kimarhiand other things

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Chapter Nine: The Return of Kimarhi…and other things

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__

It's been a while, but the story must go on. When last we met, Seymour was questioning just how much pain and torture it would take to kill off Tidus once and for all. Being electrocuted, nearly drowning, a torpedo to his airheaded self, and getting bombarded by blitzballs thrown by the Goers, he's lived through them all. What pray tell is next?

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Seymour looks on as the two star-crossed lovers continue to make out in the pool of water. He finds himself becoming sick at the disgusting sight and thinks about gouging his eyes out with dull, rusty needles.

Meanwhile the Luca Goers are all lying on the floor unconscious after ingesting numerous cans of liquid caffeine known as Mountain Dew and running into the walls in a massive sugar high. Lulu is dozing off in a chair, looking a few pounds heavier from all the doughnuts she had eaten. Luzzu, Isaaru, and Barthello are entertaining themselves with a game of Go-Fish.

The set is utterly quiet for many minutes as everyone continues to go about his or her business. Just then the door to the sound stage creaks open. All heads turn to face the person that now enters. Gasps of surprise echo through the set, followed almost immediately by laughter.

Kimarhi has returned from taking a shower and his appearance is what drives the crew into the fit of amusement. He no longer looks to be the masculine Ronso that they all knew, but more like a french poodle just taken from the groomers. His arms and legs are shaved to the skin with only tiny puffs of hair at the feet and hands. The long hair atop his head is pulled upward in a topknot and held in place by a pink ribbon. Kimarhi blushes as he enters and hurriedly heads for a dark corner deep within the confines of the studio.

Seymour: Hey there poodle boy, I sent you to get cleaned up not to get clipped.

Kimarhi: Kimarhi tried to get to Kimarhi's home, but Kimarhi was stopped by little old lady and taken to groomer. Little old lady thought Kimarhi was little old lady's lost dog. Little old lady pay for Kimarhi's new look and took Kimarhi home. Kimarhi ran away after little old lady tried to breed Kimarhi to little old lady's other poodle.

Seymour: Why didn't you run away earlier before that happened?

Kimarhi: Kimarhi felt loved for a change and did not want feeling to end so quickly.

Seymour: Uh, okay. We really need to get you a life, don't we?

Kimarhi: Kimarhi would greatly appreciate that.

Seymour: Okay, now that we've had a good laugh, let's get back to work. Tidus, Yuna, if you could become two people for a short time, I'd like to try to get at least one more take today.

Yuna: Sure. We'll start from where we left off when we're finished.

Tidus: Got you.

Seymour: And…Action!

Slowly Tidus swims beneath the surface of the water to where Yuna is sobbing. He breaks the plane of the pool and takes her into his arms. He lowers his lips to hers as a single tear rolls down her soaked cheek. They sink into the lagoon while maintaining their embrace as music begins to play.

A poppy beat fills the stage and the lyrics to the song are first heard by those on the set.

__

I made it through the wilderness

Somehow I made it through

Didn't know how lost I was

Until I found you

I was beat incomplete

I'd been had, I was sad and blue

But you made me feel

Yeah, you made me feel

Shiny and new

Like a virgin

Touched for the very first time

Like a virgin

When your heart beats

Next to mine

Gonna give you all my love, boy

My fear is fading fast

Been saving it all for you

'Cause only love can last

You're so fine and you're mine

Make me strong, yeah you make me bold

Oh your love thawed out

Yeah, your love thawed out

What was scared and cold

Like a virgin

Touched for the very first time

Like a virgin

With your heartbeat

Next to mine

Oooh, oooh, oooh

You're so fine and you're mine

I'll be yours 'till the end of time

'Cause you made me feel

Yeah, you made me feel

I've nothing to hide

Like a virgin

Touched for the very first time

Like a virgin

With your heartbeat

Next to mine

Like a virgin, ooh, ooh

Like a virgin

Feels so good inside

When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Ooh, baby

Can't you hear my heart beat

For the very first time?

Yuna hears every word of the song and rushes to get out of the water as soon as it ends. When she makes it to the shore, she runs towards Seymour with her hands ready to choke him.

Seymour: I take it that you didn't appreciate the choice I made for you, my dear Yuna.

Yuna: (with her fingers inching ever closer to his delicate neck) Not in the least.

Seymour: Then I must apologize for my faux pas. And I should be embarrassed for it as well.

Tidus: Not half as embarrassed as she should be, since that song doesn't fit her situation either.

Yuna: (turning towards Tidus) Shut up you dream…

Tidus: …Boat.

Seymour: (visibly intrigued by the subject) What do you mean that it doesn't fit?

Tidus: What's there to explain? Isn't it obvious?

Tidus then goes into how earlier in the week things between the two of them heated up. (I'm not going to go into details since we all know where this is going. Go read some NC-17 stories that you might have hidden on your computer if you want to relive old memories of the glory days.)

Tidus: And that's why it really doesn't pertain to her anymore.

Seymour: (mouth agape) And I was going to marry that freaky girl?

As Tidus was discussing the subject with the evil Maester, Yuna tried to drown herself in the lagoon pool. But even Yu Yevon didn't want a freaky girl near him.

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__

AN: Ack, a two month hiatus between posts. Oy, where did all the time go? But I have many reasons for the delay, more like excuses. Judge them any way that you wish. 

First off was the endless assault on my senses by the holiday season. Why are Thanksgiving and Christmas so close together again? Then there was my little accident involving my truck and a nice sturdy guardrail. Whee, let's see how many times I can spin around. Then there's the endless nights at work and the whole sleeping during the day thing. And no I'm not a vampire, though at times I wish I was.

And last and certainly not least, there's my most favorite one of all. Nothing sad or evil about this one, it's just a wonderful thing that keeps me going each and every day. I got engaged. Yep yep, even an insane person who thinks himself a king of applemonkies can find the love of his life.

And with all that said, I shall try my darndest to update as often as possible. And if I don't, a certain someone will take my characters and place them in bizarre situations to prod me back into writing. (January 7, 2003)


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